Dear Rebbetzin Chana Bracha,
Last week my brother, Sam,
died. He was young and in the peak of his academic career. He had struggled
with cancer for a while, but in the end, it just got him. I can’t express how
devastating all this is to our entire family. Seeing Sam suffer, getting weaker
and weaker until his system just shut down was unbearable. I can’t stop crying
and crying, feeling this is so unfair. Sam was a good person, brother, husband
and father, why did he have to get sick and die at his prime? Why does his wife
have to be widowed and his teenage children orphans? I normally would not
contact a Rebbetzin, since I am not religious, but a friend told me that you
are a healer and that you may be able to help comfort me.
Susan Avila (name changed)
Dear Susan,
 |
| Mount of Olives |
My heartfelt condolences
go out to you and your entire family. Illness and death are the hardest part of
life. There are no words. There is only trying to share your pain. When, in the
Bible, Aharon lost his two sons, Nadav and Avihu, he suffered in silence, as it
states, “…they died before Hashem… and Aharon was silent” (Vayikra
10:2-3). I wish I could just give you a big hug and cry with you. I also wish I
could answer your questions of why your brother had to die young. Even those of
us who are religious do not understand Hashem’s ways. “For my thoughts are not
your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares Hashem. As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my
thoughts higher than your thoughts” (Yesha’yahu 55:8-9). We just accept
the incomprehensible as Hashem’s will, as He is the true judge.
Death is the Bridge of
Life
As hard as it is when
someone dies, believing that death is the end and this world is all there is to
life makes it even harder. In the Jewish tradition, as mentioned in numerous
Talmudic passages, Midrash etc., this world is only a small part of our eternal
spiritual existence. We enter this world in order to fulfill a specific G-d
given mission. When we have achieved what we came here to accomplish, then our
time in this world is up. Therefore, rather than saying that someone died, we
use the expression ‘departed,’ which indicates that the person is only
departing from this world, while his or her soul lives forever. Rabbi Tucainsky
in his book, Gesher Hachaim (the Bridge of Life), gives a parable of
twins in the womb. One believes that departing the womb is the end of
life, whereas the other believes that it is just the beginning. “Rabbi Ya’akov
says, This World is the antechamber that leads to the Next World. Prepare
yourself in the antechamber so that you can enter the banquet hall” (Pirkei
Avot 4:16). We cannot prove absolutely that there is life after death.
That’s where emunah (belief) comes in. However, many stories of near death
experiences by both Jews and non-Jews confirm the Torah descriptions of the
afterlife.
Perceiving the Hidden
Good in Every Hardship
Originally, Adam and Eve
were supposed to have been immortal. However, when they ate from the Tree and
brought evil into the world and into themselves, their bodies were no longer
pure enough to enjoy eternal life. Death and decomposition of the physical
became necessary as the purification process that allows the recharged soul to
re-enter the renewed body at the end of days. Due to the impurity that we
ingested by eating from the Tree, we now suffer negative emotions such as
jealousy, power- greed and cravings. When we work on our character and our
cravings, we purify our body and enable the soul to dominate the body. This can
also be accomplished through suffering and sickness (May we be able to avoid
it!). Illness causes the body to disintegrate, thus allowing the soul to
dominate. Consequently, the purpose of illness and suffering is to act as
purifying agents, as it states, “Just as salt rectifies meat, so does suffering
clean the sins of a person” (Babylonian Talmud, Brachot 5a). When we
believe in the Almighty, Who is ultimate good, we have faith that even though
we cannot understand why good people have to suffer, there is a deeper reason
that actually is for the benefit of each person. One day, in another lifetime,
when we reach a different level of consciousness, it will all make sense, and
we will be able to perceive the hidden good of every hardship.
Dying through a Divine Kiss
In this week’s parasha
both Miriam and Aharon pass away:
וַיָּבֹאוּ בְנֵי
יִשְׂרָאֵל כָּל הָעֵדָה מִדְבַּר צִן בַּחֹדֶשׁ הָרִאשׁוֹן וַיֵּשֶׁב הָעָם
בְּקָדֵשׁ וַתָּמָת שָׁם מִרְיָם וַתִּקָּבֵר שָׁם:
(ספר במדבר פרק
כ פסוק א)
“Then the children of Israel
and the whole congregation came into the desert of Zin, in the first month and
the people abode in Kadesh. Then Miriam died there, and was buried there” (Bamidbar
20:1).
The Talmud teaches that both of them died by a Divine kiss
(Baba Batra 17a). What does it mean to die through a Supernal kiss? Rambam explains that when a person who has
perfected himself to a high degree is about to die, his understanding of the
higher worlds, which are usually far beyond our grasp, becomes clearer. Thus,
the soul is happy to leave the body and get closer to Hashem. This happiness
results from Hashem’s kindness which makes death so much easier. In such a
case, the moment of death is not even noticed (Moreh Nevuchim 3:51).
Death through a Divine kiss is compared to the ease with which a hair can be
removed from milk. In the case of the wicked, death is compared to a ball of wool entangled in thorns which need to be yanked away in order
to remove them (Berachot 8a). Since hair represents materialism and milk is
spiritual in its white purity, why is the lightest of all forms of death
compared to removing a hair from milk and not the other way around? In truth,
hair represents the body and milk the soul. However, spiritual giants such as
Moshe, Aharon and Miriam were almost all soul. The part of their body which was
not illuminated by their soul was like a tiny, thin, little peel- like a minute
hair that could easily be removed in order to allow their souls to bask in the
rays of the Divine spiritual realms (Rabbi Label Lam,
Torah.org). Thus, the degree of difficulty of death corresponds to the extent
of the soul’s entanglement within the coarseness of the body.
Reunited with the Divine
How do we know that Miriam indeed died through a Divine
kiss? It states about both Moshe and Aharon that they died עַל פִּי הָשֵׁם/al pi Hashem – by Hashem’s mouth. This expression is not
used in regards to Miriam. Rabbi Abahu said, Miriam also died through a
[Divine] kiss, as it states, “there,” which is the same word used to
describe Moshe’s death. “Moshe died there, the servant of Hashem in the
Land of Moav by the mouth of Hashem” (Baba Batra 17a). “The righteous
are alive even when they die” (Berachot 18a). They don’t die in this world only there – in the-World-to-Come.
Hashem shows them the greatness of the light, which is their portion in the
afterlife. Then because of their great love and desire to be
reunited with the light of Hashem, they do not want to return to this world. “There”
– in the World-to-Come they are gathered to their people and
reunited with the Divine (Kedushat Halevi, Rebbi Levi Yitzchak of
Berdizchov 1898).
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